The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Jaded
17:45 Jan 15 2008
Times Read: 692




Sometimes... I grow so tired of the jaded soul I have become. Weariness is dripping from my every pore, and... I long to feel like someone else.



I have moments where I want to be rid of it all... the never-ending longing... the hunger gnawing at my soul, and the all encompassing lonely.



Where did the colors bleed off to? How can the world seem so heartbreakingly beautiful, and so cold and empty all at once?



Everything is scared... and everything profane.



I scream into myself... I scream at what Gods will listen... I scream my empty, soul shattering pain into a universe that fails to really care.



I have a thousand seething voices in my head... I feel pains and pleasures that don't even belong to me, and riding the crest of it all, is the hunger... the call to become the monster I hide so very well.



In my heart... and deep in my broken soul, I want to believe that there is a way through it... a reprieve to the madness inside.



The blackness within me rises... Stronger now than it ever was... Pushing me out onto ever thinning ice...



I have never been more afraid of myself... And I have never been more alive.

Nights Like Tonight
21:31 Jan 12 2008
Times Read: 693

Its nights like tonight that will test you. Stretch you to your limits, and redefine your mind. Both hope for the future, and kind of comfortable gloom are birthed together, along with the very certain fact, that there is no escaping this... very special pain.



Its not the hunger that gets me in the end. Its the temptation to unleash... to completely unmask and devour what I want. And its an idea that completely seduces me sometimes.



I try not to be a monster... I keep myself well in hand, skimming what I desire for the most part. But the deeper urge never goes away, never leaves my mind, and begs me to come out and play.



I resist for the most part... because I live with the aftermath of such unleashing. I see myself as I truly am, and I love it... and they love it too... But while I swell... I have to watch them diminish.



I hate it. I hate it with a passion I can not find words for. It is such a catch 22, its almost heartbreaking. I love them for their strength... I know its there strength Im attracted to and... I destroy it. I destroy them.



I feel, I have tainted too many with my mistakes already. I bind myself, and I make due.



But the game never really ends. And on nights like tonight... I cant tell you who wins.